Getting “un-stuck”
Written by Jim Salmon, M.A., C.Psych.
When we become “stuck” in the devastating grip of depression or anxiety, it can feel as though there’s no way out. Emotions become overwhelming, thoughts become incredibly negative, and the effort of trying to push them away or ignore them can often provide brief relief in the short term but intensify the distress over time. This is where Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) offers a powerful alternative. ACT teaches us to stop fighting our emotions and instead, start changing our relationship with them to something more helpful.
How do we wind up getting stuck in the first place?
Thoughts can be like text messages from our brains
I always explain it like this: picture your brain as one of your very best friends. One you’ve had for years and years. Naturally, that friend is going to care about our well-being and to have our back, they want to help keep us safe and support us no matter what. When we’re struggling, they’re going to reach out and let us know we’re not alone. Now imagine that friend started getting really concerned about us. Maybe they’re going to start reaching out a bit more. But they start going a little overboard- instead of texting us every couple days, they start texting us every hour! They mean well, and they’re very concerned about us, but the more they’re trying to help the more they might be over-doing it! Now, instead of actually being helpful, my friend is just overwhelming me and making things worse.
This is what happens with our brains when we start struggling for too long with things in life. My brain starts sending me more and more thoughts, which become less and less helpful as my brain gets progressively more distressed that I’m suffering. And each thought likely comes with more than a few difficult emotions, which swiftly becomes overwhelming.
If you’re anything like most people I’ve worked with, you’re going to have one major reaction to all this: you’re going to try to get away from all these thoughts and emotions. Just like throwing my phone across the room to ignore too many text messages, it’s natural that we’re going to want to avoid this bombardment.
Imagine I treated a friend like this: the more they reached out to try and be helpful, the more I started pushing them away. It wouldn’t be long before the relationship started to suffer. This is what happens with our brains- the more it sends us thoughts and emotions, the more we start pushing them away or avoiding them, and the more my relationship with these things falls apart. Unfortunately for my brain- it can’t just walk away from me and ignore me back, it has to keep doing it’s job. Ultimately this creates a cycle where my brain keeps trying to keep me safe, albeit in an unhelpful way, and I keep trying to get away from it. Suffering deepens, and before I know it I feel utterly stuck.
How do we create change? How do we get un-stuck?
How does this get better? Same way we would try to repair a relationship with anyone in our lives- we have to start treating them better! Instead of pushing our thoughts and emotions away (or, ignoring an important friend), we need to try something totally different.
ACT encourages us to get curious about our thoughts and feelings rather than react to them with ignoring or pushing them away. Often, depression and anxiety are rooted in patterns of avoidance—trying to escape or control painful experiences. However, avoiding these feelings only strengthens them in the long run. Instead, ACT invites us to make room for discomfort, knowing that we don't have to act on it. This shift can help break the cycle of avoidance and rumination that often keeps us stuck. By learning to observe our inner experiences from a distance, it makes it easier to create space for these difficult thoughts and emotions, which ultimately gives us a better sense of control over our actions and allows us to break free of unhelpful patterns of behavior.
At its core, ACT emphasizes living a life that’s meaningful, even in the presence of difficult emotions. Depression and anxiety can change our behaviors, pushing us to move away from doing the things that matter and to spend more and more time in isolation. ACT helps us reconnect with who we want to be and commit to small, purposeful steps, even when emotions make it hard. By focusing on what truly matters, we can start to build a life that feels richer and more fulfilling. Rather than waiting for the depression and anxiety to disappear, ACT shows us how to live fully, even in the midst of them.
Next Steps
If you’re interested in getting un-stuck and creating change towards a meaningful life and being the kind of person you’d like to be, please reach out today for a consult:
